4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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