can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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