You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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