omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
