I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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