Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
