she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
