Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
