her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
