I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
