I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
