VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
