dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
