i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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