My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
