he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
