I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
