I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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