Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
