I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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