didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
