I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
