Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
this boner is exhausting
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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