you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My vagina just recognized that song.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
