I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Of course I have a pirate flag
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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