just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
