I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
