my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
