You smell like a Billy Joel song
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
