doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
