Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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