So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
