Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
