a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
