Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
