My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize