You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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