im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
FUCK WHALES
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