I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
