Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
