Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
