Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
