he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
