If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
