I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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