I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
