Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
