that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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