She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
