Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
