i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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