I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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