We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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