but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesnโt even compare to the hangover I have.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
