just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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