i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We have so much sex to catch up on
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
