You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
