She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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