I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
