The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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