The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When are your genitals available?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
