Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
