There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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