i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
