ya dads aren't the best wingmen
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
